bring money and cleavage
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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