i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
