New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
