and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
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