what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
