so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
