Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
