oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
