I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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