I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
