tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
