don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
third nipple confirmed
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
