There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
