batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
