I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
