need another drink. this is the easiest way
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
