the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
