all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
