I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
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