I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
