If i come over, it means nothing
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
