Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
