I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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