Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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