How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
