Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
