dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
