the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
