im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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