whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
