sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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