its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
