I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Bring me that man meat
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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