I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
