the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
