just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
