Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
we're so committed to being not committed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
