i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
