I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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