Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
