im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
