the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
