can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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