'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Sober January is a disaster.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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