tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
