I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
