she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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