So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
