don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
