My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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