we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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