Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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