I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
