I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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